The Suffering Inside
by SilentHal
Summary: Beast Boy has developed feelings for Raven, but her rude attitude towards him starts to make him resent her. The beast inside him rewakens and he lashes out at her, causing her to become afraid of him. Can he control the suffering inside?
1. Prologue: Bad Memories

**The Suffering Inside**

**Prologue: Bad Memories**

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It was a quite day in Jump City and the Titan's were trying to make the most of it. There weren't many villains to fight after the defeat of the Brotherhood Of Evil, and though they still had the odd new villain attempt to attack the city, it just wasn't the same as it used to be. Not that anyone was complaining about this of course. The less villain attacks there were meant less money the city would have to pay for repairs and the Titans would get more time to themselves. 

Currently Starfire was in the kitchen preparing a Tamaranian pudding that no one but her would touch. It was a glowing pink concoction that, much to Starfire's frustration, kept setting fire to the wooden spoon she was using to stir it. Cyborg and Robin were sitting on the coach playing a racing game against each other on the gamestation and Raven was sitting across from them reading one of her many old spell books.

Beast Boy had locked himself in his room and had not been seen by any of the others yet that day. Beast Boy had been spending a lot of time in his room recently and his friends were starting to become concerned. They each has tried many times to coax him out of his room, to no avail. They just figured he was going through a 'phase' and decided to leave him be.

In actual fact Beast Boy had not been in his room at all and was spending his time taking trips outside of the tower to think. Seeing the Doom Patrol again after all these years had brought back many bad memories that he just wished he could forget. Seeing his adoptive family again just made him think of his own parents and the accident he still blamed himself for.

He had only been young when he caught that damn disease and his life has changed forever. The cure for Sakutia was a serum his parents, who were successful researchers, had extracted from a rare green monkey, but the serum had unusual side effects. The formula had permanently died his hair, eyes and skin a green colour and had given him the ability to change into any animal of his choosing and how these powers had resulted in his parents deaths.

His thoughts occasionally wandered to his lost friend Terra. She had been the first girl he had ever developed feelings towards and that had all been dashed when she betrayed the Titans and turned them over to their worst enemy and though she sacrificed herself to save them and the city she only did it because Slade didn't turn out to be the mentor she thought him to be and double crossed her. He now felt great confusion when he thought of the girl as while he resented her for what she had done to him and his friends, deep down part of him still felt for her. This wasn't helped by Terra's recent reappearance. It helped him know she was still alive, but she was still lost to him, she couldn't remember anything about him, the Titans or Slade and it seemed she didn't want to either.

As he thought of Terra and his confused feelings towards her he could feel a rising anger build up inside him and he continued his stroll along Jump City's various side street and alley ways. He could always feel a primal urge build when he got angry, almost like a beast inside his mind waiting to get out. After a fight against the villain Adonis he got a covered in a array of strange chemicals and these mutagens, changed and corrupted his DNA and through his ability to change into any animal he wished the beast in his mind managed to physically manifest itself and prevent Adonis from attacking his team mate Raven. Though she comforted him after the incident and told him that he had protected her, part of him still believed that it had been he that had hurt her.

Raven. His mysterious, dark at times team mate intrigued him greatly. He had been developing feelings for her ever since the time her demon father Trigon brought about the end of the world and he thought he had lost her forever. Knowing that she had almost died made him more aware of all the things that made her special, all the things that could have been lost to the world. She was beautiful, but not in a in your face, supermodel type way, she was naturally beautiful with flowing violet hair that complemented her pale grey skin, that on most girls he would have found off putting, but on her he found it oddly appealing. She had the most gorgeous eyes he had ever seen. The same violet colour as her hair, her eyes were deep as if they were holding wisdom beyond their years and had seen things no one should see, which he was pretty sure she had considering who her father was. Her powers are controlled by her emotions, so she meditates daily to keep herself calm but this always leaves a cool, unemotional look on her face and this, along with her sharp tongue only add to her dark exterior.

He often tried his best to try and get her to laugh, to smile, but she just either ignore him or give him some cold, biting remark and he was getting sick of her attitude towards him. All he wanted was to make her happy and she would just be her rude, uncaring self and push him away like everyone else that had ever tried to get closer to her. She was just so frustrating. He always tried to impress her, make her happy, do things for her and just show her that he cared for her, but she ignored him and would throw him aside as he wasn't even there. While he and Raven had shown their odd few moments of affection towards each other, the hug she had given him after the betrayal she suffered at the hands of the deceptive dragon Malchior was vividly etched into his memory, he had started to feel some anger and resentment towards her and her oblivious and downright rude attitude towards his advances.

On this thought he began to make his stormy march back to the tower, the anger towards Raven that had built up inside him over all the years he had known her still fresh on his mind.

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_Author's Note _

_Hello, SilentHal here. This is my first story here on fanfiction so please don't judge my work too harshly as I am after all, only a beginner. This story takes place not long after Things Change with the events of season 5 still having noticable consequences. I am aware that not much happens this chapter, but this is mainly a set up for the larger plot and what is going through BB's mind factors much into this. _

_Please R&R. _


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Confrontation**

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It was late afternoon by the time Beast Boy made it back to the tower. Since Robin made up a rule that stated you weren't allowed to leave the tower without the prior knowledge of someone else on the team and Beast Boy, in his current mood, really didn't feel like sitting through one of Robin's lectures about safety, he morphed into a sparrow and flew up to his conveniently open bedroom window.

He walked into the main room to find it deserted. He went over to the kitchen and started preparing himself something to eat. He hadn't eaten at all in the days that he had been making his trips out of the tower and his hunger has really starting to get to him. He checked the fridge only to find that it was bare. He tried the cupboards only to find they were empty save some baked soda and a bottle of mustard. He groaned to himself but as he preceded to leave, something on the kitchen counter caught his eye.

_BB_

_Me, Robin and Star have all gone out to the opening of Wicked Scary 2. We did knock but you didn't answer, figured you must have been asleep. There's some leftover pizza in the microwave if you want it. Later. _

_Cy _

'Oh, man! And I wanted to go to that opening!' he thought mentally kicking himself. What else had he missed these past few days? He shook off the thought and took the cold pizza out of the microwave, not bothering to heat it up. He plopped down on the couch, reached out for the remote to turn on the TV and ate the first meal he'd had in days, albeit cold, leftover pizza. After finishing he picked up his gamestation controller and started playing one of his many games, this one being the racing game he often playing (and most often lost) against Cyborg.

His attention was never really on the game though and hus thoughts drifted back to whar he had been thinking about earlier. He thought about both the good and the bad times he had with Raven, how she hugged with after he had comforted her and then a few weeks later, give him a monster wedgie with her powers after he had pulled a prank on her. She always called him names like 'immature bonehead' but always knew the right thing to say when called for it. She…

He was abruptly brought out of his thoughts by a loud crash coming from the TV. He had become distracted and had crashed his car in the game and there was no a big flashing 'Game Over' written across the screen. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure the point of the game is to stay _on_ the track" He jumped up starled and gave a small girly scream before spinning round to see Raven , the girl he had just been thinking about, smirking at him. He then remembered that Cy hadn't said anything on his note about her going with them, not that she would have, she usually tried to avoid those kinds of events.

He gave her a scowl and turned away. He wasn't in any mood to be taking any of her crap today. "None, of us have seen you in the past few days, is everything alright?" Raven asked as she sat across of him on the couch, she had a book in her hand and a slightly concerned look on her face. "Yeah, fine" he grunted as he picked up his controller and restarted his game. He clearly could care less about talking to her, but Raven pressed on nonetheless. "Well, it isn't like you to alienate yourself from your friends. Your usually out there trying to have fun, not lock yourself away" she tried to reason.

"Yeah cause sitting alone in a dark room, being antisocial is your thing isn't it?" he shot at her in an angry tone. She decided to ignore this, as something was obviously wrong, but she got a feeling from the way he was talking to her that maybe she was what was wrong with him. "Beast Boy, this isn't like you and something's obviously wrong with you, I'm just trying to help" "I don't need any goddamn help Raven, especially not from you, if anything you're the one that needs help!" he spun around and yelled at her. "I bet your pretty messed up after your daddy dearest turned the planet into a living hell. Didn't Star say that you turn insane after the Titans break up? If you need us so goddamn much why do you always try avoid us and push us away? Is it cause your scared to actually let anyone get close to you?"

To say Raven was taken aback by this sudden outburst would have been an understatement. Why was talking to her like that? Did whatever he was so troubled about involve her? " You want to be a jackass? Fine. Just don't expect any sympathy from me" Raven spat venomously as she stood up and retreated out of the room.

Beast Boy could feel something inside him snap as she said this and instantly got up and stormed after her. She was just at her room, about to punch in the security code for her door when he caught up to her. He grabbed her roughly by the shoulders and forcefully turned her around to face him. She let out a small yelp for pain as he slapped her hard across the face, leaving a large, painful hand print across her face. He could hear something inside his head egging him on and he felt a twisted confidence he hadn't felt for along time. '_Show her who's boss' 'make her suffer' 'your not someone to mess with' _growled an evil voice inside his head, a voice that as it screamed on and on in his mind, started to sound like a twisted version of his own voice.

He grabbed her again and rammed her into the wall. She gave out another cry and her face contorted with pain. "You better listen carefully you stupid bitch. I'm sick and tired of you always insulting me and pushing me around. Consider this your last warning" he growled. He dropped her to the floor and stormed off down the hall to his room, leaving behind a dumbstruck Raven. She lightly brought her hand up to the stinging red mark on her cheek and wondered what the hell had just happened, tears forming in her eyes.

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_Author's Note: _

_Thank you to those that gave reviews for my first chapter. It helps me to know that people enjoy my writing ). I'll probably update quite regurarly so unless something comes up, I won't leave you guys waiting when it comes to new chapters, plus I already have a pretty good idea of where I want this story to go. _

_R&R_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: ** **The Voice Inside My Head**

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Beast Boy awoke the next day feeling extremely refreshed. He hadn't felt this good for a long time. He strolled out of his room humming to himself. He walked into the main room to find all four of his friends sitting around the kitchen table eating breakfast, or in Raven's case, drinking herbal tea. He received greetings from his friends as he friends as he walked into the kitchen and started preparing himself a tofu breakfast. Well all of his friend's except Raven, who just pulled her hood up and looked sheepishly down at her cup of tea as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. He noticed this and chuckled to himself. She must of thought she wouldn't have to worry about him being breakfast as he regularly skipped the meal as he usually didn't wake up till around noon, unless there was a villain attack or they had a training session. She her luck never usually did hold out. He looked round and glared at his friends the happy disposition he had when he woke up gone as quickly as it had came .The voice in his head from the night before flaring up again. '_You don't need them' 'Your better than they are' 'They're pathetic' 'They don't like you' ' They will betray you like the others'. _

"What's the matter Rae? Not happy to see me?" he said in a growl with a cocky grin on his face. She just continued to stare down at her tea and mumbled 'good morning' feebly, hoping it would satisfy him.

He was about to say something else when he was interrupted by Robin. "So, Beast Boy, have seen you around much recently was everything been okay?" He asked, trying his best to change from his usual firm, no-nonsense leader tone to something a little friendlier, but failing miserably.

"Dude, I'm past that" he replied, giving a quick glare to Raven, who quickly looked away trying her best not to make eye contact with him. "In fact, I've never felt better!" he almost shouted in an angry tone that betrayed otherwise.

Robin stared at the scowl Beast Boy was giving him and decided to not push him any further about it. He remembered what had happened the last time he had got this aggressive. "Good. I've scheduled a training session for this afternoon so you'd better be on top form. I got a report from the police commissioner last night and he says Adonis has escaped from jail. If he makes a move we've got to be ready for him" order Robin as he got up and made his way to his room to see if he could get any more leads on Adonis's whereabouts.

Raven quickly muttered something that sound like 'meditate' and quietly stood and glided out of the room, not wanting to spend any more time in Beast Boy's presence after the night before. She would get over it and had healed the marks and bruises he had given her, but was still shaken by it.

Beast Boy too got up and walked over to the couch. Sat himself down, picking up a gamestation controller. "Hey Cy, get down here I wanna play gamestation!" He yelled over to his friend, not bothering to turn round.

"Booya! Thought you'd never ask!" Cyborg rushed over and catapulted himself onto the sofa, beside his best friend, oblivious to the sour mood he has having, as he had been too busy stuffing his face with eggs and bacon at breakfast to notice anything unusual and happily picked up the controller, turning on a racing game. They played for a good hour and they had each both won four races each. They were playing for best out of ten and were both neck and neck on the final race. They were nearing the finish line, when Cyborg performed a sneaky move and rammed Beast Boy's car into a wall, causing it to crash. "Booya! ain't no stopping Cyborg!" shouted Cyborg, who got up and performing a little victory dance.

He looked over to Beast Boy and was surprised to he him gritting his teeth, giving him a evil glare. "Dude, you can't do that!! That's totally unfair!" '_He cheated you' 'you deserved to win' 'you are unbeatable' 'take out the competition' 'they are weak'._

"Chill man, its just a game." Cyborg tried to reason, but Beast Boy, wasn't listening to reason. He morphed into a gorilla and tackled Cyborg to the ground and started pounding him with his huge fists, but was blasted away by Cyborg's energy cannon. He recovered quickly and was about to charge at him again but was stopped in his tracks by a barrage of star bolts. Starfire, who had remained in the kitchen to clean up had heard the commotion and had rushed over to break up the fight.

"Friends, you must not fight so! Cried Starfire "What has caused such hostilities?"

"We were just playing video games and Grass Stain here jumped me!" shouted a seething Cyborg, who stormed out of the room. "I'm gonna go work on the T-car. If anyone needs me I'll be in the garage."

Beast Boy glared after him before pushing past Starfire marching off towards his own room.

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He felt as if he had gone insane. He had assaulted the girl he liked and had attacked his best friend just because he had beaten him at video games. Yet, not matter how hard he tried he was at the command of the voices in his head, as if it where part of him, part of his mind.

He had tried his best to keep it at bay, the antidote Cyborg had given him cold only have done so much. He may have stopped him physically transforming into the beast, but it had always been there, dormant in his mind, the chemicals had only awoken it. But now, it had completely taken over and was making him hurt his friends. He had to stop it, but he didn't know how, it was only a matter of time before he started physically changing into it again, that was what happened the last time. He dreaded to think what he would be capable of if that happened.

It was in control now and for the time being, there was nothing he could do to stop himself.

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Later on all the titans had convened in the training room, for the training session Robin insisted they all take. Robin looked over at his team quizzically. Cyborg and Beast Boy were standing as far away from each other as possible, both glaring at each other occasionally and Raven was standing rather close to Starfire, almost as if for protection. She was looking down at the ground with a sad expression on her face, avoiding eye contact with the rest of the team, acting as if she was ashamed of something. She was usually the most strong willed of the group and today she had been acting uncharacteristically melancholy. He would ask her about it later, but for now they had a training session to slog through.

Their training went very well for the most part. They ran through the assault course, each beating their personal time and tried out the new virtual reality simulator that Cyborg had recently installed, having a few artificial fights with Slade.

The only thing they had to run through now was one on one sparring between them, the only rule being that the use of powers or weapons was forbidden, it would be a straight fight using their own strength and skill. First up was Cyborg and Robin, which Robin won pretty easily by using the same tricks he used when fighting his friend as Red X. Cyborg charged at him and Robin dodged away with ease. He was very much aware of where Cyborg's weak spots where and delivered a sharp downward kick to his knee. He went down onto it and Robin knocked him down with a skillful roundhouse kick, knocking him to the floor and ending the fight. Next up were Raven and Beast Boy.

Robin noticed almost as soon as the fight started that something was wrong. Beast Boy was fighting unnecessarily aggressively and Raven seemed to be holding back. She looked like she was afraid of him. She tried her best to block his punches, but he was coming at her so wildly that most of his hits ended up connecting.

He managed to get an opening and punched her hard in the stomach, causing her to clutch at it in pain and bring her guard down and got a punch in to the side of her head, making her collapse to the floor. Robin gave the signal that the fight was over, but Beast Boy didn't stop there. He turned to her and started repeatedly kicking her in the ribs and gut. She pleaded for him to stop but he just wasn't listening, his eyes looked wild and if she didn't know better she would have thought he looked insane.

He was forced to stop his relentless assault when he was blasted across the room by a star bolt. He dragged himself up off the floor and glared over at the others. Starfire was helping up a trembling Raven, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. Robin was making his way over to him and looked absolutely livid. He had only ever seen him that angry when he fought with Slade. Robin rounded on him and he could feel his jaw click as their leader punched him in the face. He stumbled back, but was topped by Robin pulling him up by his shirt.

"What the hell is wrong with? She was down, why didn't you stop?" Robin shouted in his face.

Beast Boy just grunted and pushed him of him. "Maybe I was just giving her a taste of her medicine" he replied coolly.

"Get out. If your going to act like this then we want nothing to do with you." seethed Robin, having heard from Starfire about Beast Boy's assault on Cyborg earlier. "Don't come back until you've sorted yourself out."

Beast Boy looked round at the others impassively earning nothing but glares from Robin, Star and Cy. It was the look on Raven's face that hurt the most. It was a sad questioning look that seemed as if she was trying to look into his very soul.

He quickly turned around, not wanting to look into her piercing violet gaze any longer. He hated what he was becoming, but found himself powerless to stop it. He may have seemed cold and uncaring on the outside but on the inside, he was being torn apart by what he had done to those he cared deeply about. He had to find a way to fix this.

He gave one last look at his friends before morphing into a pterodactyl and swooping off across the bay.

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_Author's note: _

_Beast Boy's isn't really a heartless jerk, its just the beast inside him controlling him. He'll be back to normal soon enough . Then I can actually start building upon the BBRae relationship, something which I'm not really able to do a this point in the story. Hope you guys like this chapter. The next one should be up soon (I got a lot of time on my hands P). _

_R&R_


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